The past few days I have been so ashamed of my face! I am typically not a person who wears foundation or concealer because my face does not breakout that much and if it does I might just get like a big pimple on my cheek and have a mark that lasts for a few months.
This time was different.
So, before I left for Sweden I bought concealer and power because I felt that if I mastered the art of doing my make up I’d feel more like a woman and look less like a child. I watched YouTube and saw Instagram photos of women who were absolutely gorgeous! While I sincerely believe that I am beautiful without make up, if I’m being honest we all have those days where we feel we might need a little extra sparkle in our day like makeup. I bought a concealer from Walmart (which some person might say was my mistake) and then the next day after washing off my make up thoroughly, poof! Bumps on my face everywhere! The first day I sort of shrugged it off and figured “eh” it will go away, so I washed my face and made sure to keep an eye on the bumps. BUT the next day the bumps didn’t go away! I was so ashamed and embarrassed and was worried how people would view me! I honestly felt like a failure because I wanted to feel like a “real woman” and have a “glamorous”, “flawless” and well chiseled look and it went completely wrong!
I am living on my own for the first time, so anything that happens to me in Sweden that has not occurred while living at home (such as my face breaking out like it did) freaks me out! My mom recommended that I use an oatmeal treatment and hydrocortisone to treat the bumps. I felt so silly with oatmeal on my face and figured I’d send some photos to my boyfriend since we were going to webcam anyways. The next day the bumps were still there and again I was overcome with such a heavy shame and did not want to go outside. I thought about how I wanted to start a blog and it seemed like every problem in the world from video editing to my face breaking out was coming against me. I was so ready to give up! The bumps were only a surface insecurity, but they seemed to draw out insecurities about my capacity to accomplish what I have set out to do.
I had a choice to make about how I saw myself from this point forward. It then dawned on me and I decided to follow my own advice and #reinvent my perspective. I was so upset that it seems like in society today in order to be a successful woman you have to look flawless and have the best clothes and the best life, which is a total lie. I chose to throw on Beyonce’s “If I was a boy” and Alicia Keys and have a photo shoot using what I was ashamed of. It was one of the most empowering things that I have done for myself and I encourage you to do the same. Be yourself. Reinvent your perspective and speak life to yourself in the mirror because “life and death are in the power of the tongue”.
Thanks for reading,
Love, Katelynn Rose